In this article I ll shortly observe what the marriage is from spiritual perspective. I want to answer the questions: is marriage a social pattern of relationship or should be something else? What are characteristics of marriage and spouse relationships? What is separation, in which cases separation is needed? What are the social and individual values within a marriage?
Marriage and being married is part of the
social lows and paradigm of creating approved relationship within society. From
this perspective marriage needs to be legal – not opposing the laws of the
country, to be accompanied with a document from responsible institution, to be
open act of agreement from two sides. These are the main social features of
marriage. As usually I want to turn my attention to the personal and spiritual
features and values within a marriage as socially approved relationship.
In
modern society and different cultures, as we know, many types of marriages are
not approved, not legal, or out of social (cultural, moral) values. Such
special marriages are categories:
-
marriage between people from the same sex (two female or 2 male)
- marriage with under-age children (in different countries and
societies the age varies, generally under 15 or 16 years)
- Marriage between people from different religious background,
that are not allowed to be in sacred union (for example Muslim woman and man
belonging to Christianity, Judaism)
- Marriage between people from different class circles (like high
class person, and very low class person)
-
Marriage of people who are both under-aged (usually in India
-
Marriage of people with too big differences in age (for example
man of 60 with girl under 16 –such cases are seen many in region of Afghanistan
All
these different cases are not everywhere unlawful, but they are always put
under social skepticism, unaccepted values and not viewed in positive way. In
most Muslim societies still the views on marriage are quite conservative and
restricted to religion. In such Islamic ruled countries for ex. The couple cant
be together or live together before official religious marriage, also they are
prohibited from sexual intercourse or any close relationship. In fact in most
such countries the girl is not even allowed to walk outside or hold hand with
her beloved before they are officially engaged. On the contrary, in most of the
European countries, UK North America , there are not many laws
and social restrictions on life of unmarried couples. They are not only allowed
to walk and be together, to express freely their feelings, to have sex or any
intimate moments alone, but they are totally accepted to live together and have
children without marriage ceremony.
These
are as we see, totally different styles and values on such important issue as
marriage. That`s why I ask angels to help me in writing and solving the doubts
on what real marriage should be” and how it is related with spirituality,
ethics and culture of each society?
I.
What a marriage is from spiritual perspective?
This
looks like easy question to be answered. Marriage is from social point union of
two individuals, allowed by the laws of religion, society, country and family.
Of course there are plenty of example of marriage “disapproved” from side of
family members, but still legal in society. Within this union both sides should
be from opposite sex (with some exceptions allowing the same sex marriages in North America ), spouses have specific
duties and obligations within this union, also they have specific rights and
privileges according to the marriage certificate and country laws. Both sides
should accept and agreed on that marriage with their own free will – this is
also important statement.
From
spiritual point – marriage is not union of two people, who have obligations to
each other, but also union of souls. This union of souls, needs to be open (to
others), to be accepted with official ritual or ceremony. Marriage actually
signifies not just “new certificate” or new right for expressing intimacy, but
also new stage of spiritual life. Some important characteristics of marriage
are:
-
spouses start to be responsible not only for themselves, but for
each other. They have further obligation for bringing up their children.
-
Spouses should be aware they are now not “free pieces” but
together in one bigger puzzle, called family.
- Husband and wife need to show to each other all positive
feelings of any couple: love, understanding, honesty, openness, support,
acceptance, tolerance, compassion, passion, trust, believe, sharing;
- Husband and wife (within spiritual marriage), have to admit
their own mistakes, notice their own weaknesses, and not be fixed in weaknesses
of another.
-
The married couple need to have equal spiritual, ethical, moral,
or cultural values, in order to improve their life together;
-
The married couple have to pay attention first to the needs,
passions and desires of his/her partner more than his own.
-
In case of misunderstanding or conflict within the marriage,
both partners should admit what is “wrong” in the situation and from where it
comes. They have to discuss things openly, and not to hide behind mask of
acceptance.
- Spouses in union need to feel, respect and understand values and
individuality of each other, that’s why they have to be forgiving, but also
aware of what they require.
- Spouses need to feel love and attachment to each other, no
matter of the conflicts of hard situations, and try to overcome difficult times
together.
-
They have to be aware and admit if the values, principles or
individuality of one of them changes, they have to admit feeling of “losing”
trust, respect, losing love, coldness.
- The couple (and that’s quite important), should be aware and
express feelings of impossibility the marriage life to continue due to some of
above reasons, and accept that.
This is part one of my article on marriage, please continue to the second part... Feel free to like, share or leave a comment below, or ask a question! Thank you.
nina Lea-nour *
angel`S medium
@ 2018, Jan
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