Social Anxiety II

      [ second part of Social Anxiety ] 

      The restrictions, laws, norms, create structure that all individuals to be happy and satisfied. But they don`t care about individuals as such (as SOULS), but only as body. That creates exactly the gap between “me as part of society” and Me as separate individual. I ll call the second my Soul-self, the first my Social-Self. The gap becomes bigger the more individual is grown and the more he has relations with society and all institutions. Because the Soul-self realizes his uniqueness, from one side, and his “mind freedom”, but also the Social-self realizes his uniformity, oneness and coexistence with others. So We are separate and in the same time we are part of all as One.

Exactly that view creates duality in human mind. And we cant understand duality, as we accept it as contradiction. In fact duality is very true, because it lies in the basis of the Earth plane. Each coin has two sides. Human body is related totally to energy of two -Ying, Yang. Genders by nature are also two.

    That’s how there is a gap between the souls feeling as unique Soul-self, separate, different, special, and complete – are coexisting with the feelings of merging of the Soul with others in Social-self – in crowds of groups, family, country, feeling of uniformity.  This gap is quite normal, but it creates uncertainty. In this level of spiritual evolution, people don’t understand it well, and it creates feeling of anxiety.

     Social anxiety is related to our view to others, and all range of emotions that others provoke in us, and that we provoke in others;  with way of communication and connection with others. With the way we are accepted, liked, loved. In the way our efforts are appreciated. In the way we love, appreciate efforts of others. In the way implementing positive connections with others. In the way of expressing negative qualities in connections with others. (example of such are if we speak to someone with kindness, show understanding, tolerance and balanced mood; and if we speak to others with anger, aggression, showing sadness or indifference to them…) All these aspects of communication matter for the growing of Social-Self.

Because we can be much aware (or try to be) of our Soul-Self, we feel our differences, and uniqueness, we know our weaknesses and strength, even we are mindful, we can be on a higher level as individuals. That means we can be spiritually advanced, if we realize where we are as a Soul. But in the same time people can be totally unaware their Social-Self, or they don’t recognize their Oneness with all, they don’t accept their social roles, or don’t feel they can be effective part of society. In this energy level of Earth, most people are not socially aware. They live just as soul-Self, no matter if mindful or not. That reflects in supressing the negative feelings, qualities from the Social-self, denying the Social oneness, and failing in good communication with others. That factors are basis of feeling of social anxiety – and depression.

As we live here as social-self most of the time, and that is related to our family life, cultural life, work and all things, we cant feel separated from it.

Social anxiety is created mostly because of the social masks syndrome. In any group and society, people tend to hide their faces, traits and qualities, because the instinctive fear to lose their freedom from others. People are vulnerable when they are together. They are vulnerable when they connect with each other, when they have relationships, family and friends, work environment. Because all these spheres may appear them as individuals, and activate the Social-self. That’s why each individual adapts social mask, which does not mean two-faced behaviour or lies. That means the Social self tries to prevent from being hurt or manipulated by others, or prevents seeing the negative qualities in him. Its natural no one wants to be seen in negative light.

    Wearing such mask from each one, suggests that no one shows their Soul-self (unique individual self) but all people try to show Social-self, which with the mask looks the fake one. In reality that social -self is just real self, but hidden and vulnerable self, that has fear from social judgement, and norms. That is self with many hidden aspects. For example in a job interview you don’t expose your Soul-self, or you don’t speak about your personal preferences. That`s why we need to accept as normal to have the social mask. But Not to have fake behaviour or fake feelings or fake connection with others. So that mask has limits.

The feeling of suppressed or hidden Soul-self in process of wearing the social mask, will create surely social anxiety. Here the key is to make balance between your personal values, and uniqueness, and acceptance of oneness with others. Trying to be part of social structure, means being Open to others, being vulnerable, being exposed in a way.

Thank you for tuning in! Feel free to share, or post a comment below. Continue to next part of the text ....

© Nina* Lea-nour

    Angel`s medium

   © Copyrighted text

Monogamy and Synchronizing with your partner I

In this article I`ll observe very important question, that has different discussions and points in many religions, institutions, and psychological concepts – about humans monogamy and polygamy.
There are several views and concepts on that topic, as it can be seen from quite different perspective.

       In this article I have to define the terms monogamy and polygamy, and what ideas I connect them to. Monogamy is a relationship between two people, on mutual relationship as a couple, including sexual relationship, in aspect of partnership in long term; This relationship is connected with socially approved norms and behavior, and extended with having just one “marriage partner (or any kind of partner), in time and for all life.

Polygamy is relationship between two or more people, representing their relationship, including sexual aspects, as patterns from short or long term partnership, which is always related between three or more people. This kind of relationship could be extended in time, but its rarely linked with socially approved behavior and legality.

There is also the term called serial monogamy, which is having multiple relationships, at different times of life. I`ll discuss here the aspects of monogamy, polygamy and serial monogamy from higher energy perspective,  and human values.

So what we call “monogamy” is usually and mainly related with the aspect of “normality” and social norms, and one of the most underlined aspects of it are in the official marriage or partnership. Here we are viewing things out of the social norms and taboos, but with the elements of psychology of relationships. So I want to determine – monogamous relationships are formed and developed in cultural societies at later stage, as a form of observing exact social lows and norms. Cultural society needs to identify the couple and the instinct of having children in the single family, formed by mother, father and children. That’s how the social picture looks, which is growing throughout the historical periods.

The significance of that single family and children relationship becomes very strong in later times, with the significance of certain understanding about human moral values. In such way monogamous relationships are not only approved, but they remain the strongest pillars of family core. That’s also because of the fact, these relationship can be –stable, extended in time, and keep the same permanent status life long. In this way these monogamous relationships make social low and social relationships also in stable plane. One of the significant aspects of monogamy in society is – having just one and only one marital partner for the life. This will bring most stability in all other practical life spheres, as you wont be distracted by searching for another partner. Secondly the person is believed to be more devoted to bring up and educating his own children, if he is in stable monogamous partnership.

     That’s how the situation look from social perspective. There are many more sides to be considered.

     From psychological and spiritual perspective things look a bit different.

I have to determine, that the early humans were Not monogamous. They were practicing different kind of polygamous relationships, but also they were in need of adopting some restrictions, taboos and social practices. Polygamy is in fact related to the early stages of human DNA and was the real primal power and mind of early humanity. So humans are not monogamous by nature in history, but they are cultivated to develop to monogamous family core, because of social lows, taboos and restrictions. So monogamy is avoiding conflicts between sides, between couples (similarly to animal world fighting for females and territory). Monogamy in its deeper patterns and structure is not the primal state of humanity, and it is “build up” and strengthened with time. This state has positive and negative sides and effects on humans.

I`ll observe here in more details the negative or down sides of monogamy. First of all monogamous relationships start to gradually and steadily turn into “life long” socially approved partnerships (marriage), in which people stay in the couple (marriage) for all the life. The psychological pinpoint here includes the bringing up of children, that are normally to be just from one couple, and abnormally (extraordinary) to be from different couple. What that means? I ll give in example with case of people who are married two times and have children from both marriages (or relationships). Such cases exist, they are quite visible, but also they are not socially approved – the simple point is such cases are viewed as already memorable, strange or “brave”, as well as different than the social values. Not think about how many cases you know about person with 3 marriages or relationships, with children from all of them? And how many such marriages without children? You can see such cases will be even more rare, and that is so, because they are not socially approved or stimulated. That lies in many psychological reasons, including the state of human Ego, and acceptance.

nina Lea-nour *

m E d i u m 

Marriage and separation -I

In this article I ll shortly observe what the marriage is from spiritual perspective. I want to answer the questions: is marriage a social pattern of relationship or should be something else? What are characteristics of marriage and spouse relationships? What is separation, in which cases separation is needed? What are the social and individual values within a marriage?

                                                  

    Marriage and being married is part of the social lows and paradigm of creating approved relationship within society. From this perspective marriage needs to be legal – not opposing the laws of the country, to be accompanied with a document from responsible institution, to be open act of agreement from two sides. These are the main social features of marriage. As usually I want to turn my attention to the personal and spiritual features and values within a marriage as socially approved relationship.

    In modern society and different cultures, as we know, many types of marriages are not approved, not legal, or out of social (cultural, moral) values. Such special marriages are categories:

-         marriage between people from the same sex (two female or 2 male)

-        marriage with under-age children (in different countries and societies the age varies, generally under 15 or 16 years)

-        Marriage between people from different religious background, that are not allowed to be in sacred union (for example Muslim woman and man belonging to Christianity, Judaism)

-        Marriage between people from different class circles (like high class person, and very low class person)

-         Marriage of people who are both under-aged (usually in India)

-         Marriage of people with too big differences in age (for example man of 60 with girl under 16 –such cases are seen many in region of Afghanistan, where the child is actually sold)

    All these different cases are not everywhere unlawful, but they are always put under social skepticism, unaccepted values and not viewed in positive way. In most Muslim societies still the views on marriage are quite conservative and restricted to religion. In such Islamic ruled countries for ex. The couple cant be together or live together before official religious marriage, also they are prohibited from sexual intercourse or any close relationship. In fact in most such countries the girl is not even allowed to walk outside or hold hand with her beloved before they are officially engaged. On the contrary, in most of the European countries, UK and North America, there are not many laws and social restrictions on life of unmarried couples. They are not only allowed to walk and be together, to express freely their feelings, to have sex or any intimate moments alone, but they are totally accepted to live together and have children without marriage ceremony.

These are as we see, totally different styles and values on such important issue as marriage. That`s why I ask angels to help me in writing and solving the doubts on what real marriage should be” and how it is related with spirituality, ethics and culture of each society?

I.                   What a marriage is from spiritual perspective?

This looks like easy question to be answered. Marriage is from social point union of two individuals, allowed by the laws of religion, society, country and family. Of course there are plenty of example of marriage “disapproved” from side of family members, but still legal in society. Within this union both sides should be from opposite sex (with some exceptions allowing the same sex marriages in North America), spouses have specific duties and obligations within this union, also they have specific rights and privileges according to the marriage certificate and country laws. Both sides should accept and agreed on that marriage with their own free will – this is also important statement.

From spiritual point – marriage is not union of two people, who have obligations to each other, but also union of souls. This union of souls, needs to be open (to others), to be accepted with official ritual or ceremony. Marriage actually signifies not just “new certificate” or new right for expressing intimacy, but also new stage of spiritual life. Some important characteristics of marriage are:

-         spouses start to be responsible not only for themselves, but for each other. They have further obligation for bringing up their children.

-         Spouses should be aware they are now not “free pieces” but together in one bigger puzzle, called family.

-      Husband and wife need to show to each other all positive feelings of any couple: love, understanding, honesty, openness, support, acceptance, tolerance, compassion, passion, trust, believe, sharing;

-      Husband and wife (within spiritual marriage), have to admit their own mistakes, notice their own weaknesses, and not be fixed in weaknesses of another.

-         The married couple need to have equal spiritual, ethical, moral, or cultural values, in order to improve their life together;

-         The married couple have to pay attention first to the needs, passions and desires of his/her partner more than his own.

-         In case of misunderstanding or conflict within the marriage, both partners should admit what is “wrong” in the situation and from where it comes. They have to discuss things openly, and not to hide behind mask of acceptance.

-   Spouses in union need to feel, respect and understand values and individuality of each other, that’s why they have to be forgiving, but also aware of what they require.

-      Spouses need to feel love and attachment to each other, no matter of the conflicts of hard situations, and try to overcome difficult times together.

-         They have to be aware and admit if the values, principles or individuality of one of them changes, they have to admit feeling of “losing” trust, respect, losing love, coldness.

-    The couple (and that’s quite important), should be aware and express feelings of impossibility the marriage life to continue due to some of above reasons, and accept that.  

This is part one of my article on marriage, please continue to the second part... Feel free to like, share or leave a comment below, or ask a question! Thank you. 

nina Lea-nour *

angel`S medium 

@ 2018, Jan