IV.
Honesty and sharing – two sides of a coin
What is
honesty? The topic of truth and honesty is very wide, but we have to see the
multiple sides, in order to grasp the picture. As we see the individual truth,
can be with “blurred outlines” and can be source of speculations. Every lie or
hiding the truth has deeper psychological (cultural) reasons. Every coin has
two sides. Now I ll discuss on what is honesty and what means to be “honest”?
Honesty is state of purity and balance of mind and heart, that recognizes the individual facts, events, and defends individual source of “truth” (views, ethics). Please have in mind, honesty is related to the individual “truth” not to “socially validated facts”, and honesty doesn’t mean directness or being straight forward. People who are honest defend not only their own individual “truth” (view), but also they follow the human ethics and values as whole.
That’s why
honesty doesn’t mean to be direct, or to be rude, nor to be “negative” and
judging another. Important aspect of recognizing the truth is ethics of “non
judgement”. What that means?
Example – (from
a question of my friend I received recently). You are going to a place of your
family friends. They have made renovation and feel happy from that, they are
proudly showing you their renewed flat. You are not so impressed and don’t like
the renovation – obviously your friends have different taste for colors,
design, furniture, lightning…But you feel “shy” to say directly your opinion.
That’s why you say something opposite of what you think “Yes, its nice, I like
it”. So is that the right reaction? Lets see closely this case.
First of all we
need to answer the question: why you need to say lie in this case? Is it rude
if you say the truth? Is it considered as “lie” such answer? (The same example
can be given with anyone else, on basis of personal tastes/ values, ethics
differences, like clothes, lipstick, cosmetics, smells, colors…everyday
practices). I want to say the following statements:
- Yes, the answer is not
truth, so its obviously “a lie”, as it doesn’t express and hides your personal
opinion (truth), and doesn’t defend your personal truth (self)
- The answer in most
similar cases is socially approved “lie” assuming that the person will be
offended, and that “speaking the truth” is too rude.
- The answer is considered
as “untruth” (lie) from higher (spiritual) perspective, if this is totally not
corresponding to your inner truth (views, values, principles, ethics, state of
mind).
Then what is
the solution? Should we be “rude” and say “Oh, its too bad and I cant like
anything in this renovation”, or “So awful that I wonder how you have such a
bad taste”. This answer is also not corresponding to “truth” even it express
our opinion in this moment. Why? Maybe in the same time, person who views the
flat feels depressed, as his girl friend left him. That condition will affect
on his mood in subconscious level, he will see most of the things around in
negative way. 2. Maybe the person has totally different taste (individuality,
character) for colors, interior design – which is mostly the case.
How we need to
react in this situation, in order to keep the truth and not to offend our
friends? First of all its against your self to say something, in which you
don’t believe. There is no meaning to do that! (except meaning of socially approved
models). Second – there is no meaning also to be direct and rude, knowing that
your friends will be offended. Because in this case you will obviously “brag”
with your “honesty” which will be far from defending of truth. Truth needs to
evolve in human society as act of defending personal truth (inner view, ethics)
combined with ideas of LOVE, non-judgement, compassion and acceptance of
another. Only then it becomes truth.
So in this case
you may say: “this suits you, your character”, or “its not my taste, but happy
as you like it.” Another approach is to see something that you really like in
that (even one little thing) from the whole, so you can focus on it saying “Oh
the cupboard is really nice”, or I love these plants…That’s how you really say
the truth, in the same time your friends know your personality, that “its not
your color for wall painting” and so on. Remember something more: from
psychological perspective, if you totally dislike all in one person (all his
clothes, style, appearance), then you dislike the person himself. Then he wont
be your close friend.
We as humans
need to remove some false, ineffective, wrong models of social interactions,
specially if they are related to “hypocrisy”. There is no need to be direct or
rude. Then you need to have enough inner balance, self esteem and purity of
heart, in order to say the truth with love, acceptance and appreciation. If the
other side has the same qualities, the connection will be so easy and smooth.
They wouldn’t be offended.
Honesty is
about loving and validating your inner truth, your ethics, values, style and
social face, and in the same time feeling love, acceptance, tolerance to
others.
If you enjoyed this article, continue reading next part here: ...
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nina Lea-nour *
Angel`S medium
@ 110-18
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