V. What about
sharing? Here I`m asking some questions:
1. Is it obligatory
(recommended) to share with others from individual perspective? In which cases?
2. Is "not sharing” equal to
“dishonesty” and hiding the truth?
If honesty is
related to hidden aspects of love, acceptance, defending personal values, integrity,
the act of “sharing” with others is related to vulnerability.
There is no “obligation
or norm” of sharing with others, as that is to be honest. Sharing shows trust,
believe and incorporation of part of me, into part of “another” person. (I talk
about pure sharing, not “gossip”, which has quite different aspects). We share
things with: 1. People we love, 2. Close friends 3. Family and friends 4.
Someone that we like, approve, feel attracted to.
In all other
cases, (if we share with people we dislike or hate, we have special hidden
reason to do that, so its not sharing, but rather manipulation).
In the word
sharing are tangible elements like: honesty, closeness, revealing Self, love,
trust, believe, approval, appreciation, like. That’s how we do not share
everything to everyone”. We need first to find one or more of these elements in
another person (to feel close to him, to gave trust, like, appreciation) in
order to share. In the same time sharing is basic ingredient in all close
relationships: - close friendship, marriage, lovers relationship,
family-children relationships. If sharing is missing, in one of these
relations, then there is a gap in it, something is out of balance.
From
what I said its obvious, sharing” is special kind of personal trust and
approval, which is not equal to honesty or truth in direct way. Moreover: we
don’t have to share with all. This will show again some psychological
imbalances of person. That’s so exactly because, when people share information,
its usually related to something 1.personal 2. From intimate life 3. Important
for them, 4. Related to personal differences. That shows when someone shares
such information, he becomes “vulnerable” in front of another. Many social
conflicts and discussion of integration come from understanding and values
between “honesty”, truth and sharing. We need to recognize and strongly divide
these categories, in order to go away from illusion.
The simple
formula is: truth is not equal to honesty – its not equal to “sharing” – is not
equal to trust. They are connected and related but not equal. You don’t have to
share with others, even more, being honest, doesn’t mean that you have to share
all things related with your personal, intimate life or values. You do that
only when you have enough trust in another, or if you recognize similar (same)
values in another.
Even
more – the ethics and spiritual values require some topics to not be shared at
all –if they include also the vulnerability of another person. Such topics are:
sexual life (of person and his partner); - something related to me and my body
(intimate). These aspects should not be shown, discussed or analyzed from
others, unless there is a physical problem, in which case both me and my
partner will agree to give quite short information.
Another
important statement – not sharing about something, no matter if intimate or not
- does not correspond to dishonesty or lie. When you share something, you give
credit of another to know about something important for you, in such way you
become vulnerable. Then you need to take care with whom and how you share
information about yourself.
As there are
too many people with evil intention, that will take advantage of your sharing,
or will manipulate you and use that information, you have to be cautious (not
afraid - aware) about that:
- - Don’t
share (expose) personal information in front of people you don’t totally trust.
- - Don’t
share information with personal character (about relationships, other people,
within marriage, your body, photos, so on) to anyone you don’t know well and to
someone you don’t feel connected with equal values and principles.
- - Don’t
share private information also to people who are close to you (ex. Family
members) if they are also not connected with you with similar spiritual values,
ethics and ideas. (We speak about private information, which can relate to relationships, or anything connected with your body, or anything that you may consider as private.)
That`s how "not
sharing” is not equal to “dishonesty”. One example – if you talk with a friend
who you met recently on social media (for ex. Facebook) and you like to
communicate as you have similar interest to poetry. This friend asks you about
your life, family and relationships, which can happen. What is socially approved
here to share with him, is your marital status (if you are married or not), and
your relationship – if you have beloved; and nothing more. If you have issues
in relationship, you can share or not, depending to what extend you trust and
appreciate this person. You are not forced to “share”. Also – sharing, the same
as feeling of Love, compassion, joy, fulfillment, passion – is not BY force.
Its feeling of freedom and free choice.
Trust and
sharing are connected with inner feeling and inner knowledge (Third eye) about
who and how much to trust.
It`s also
related to your own boundaries as human.
That’s how you
will share with people who also share BACK to you, and won`t share to people who
“don’t share anything” with you. It’s a mirror.
Also, if you
have a pen pal for example, but you don’t like to share personal details about
you, just write that. Be clear about your borders with others. Be open and
confident to state –from here to here is my personal territory and not your
business.
If someone asks
you something you don’t like to share, you can say “I don’t like to discuss
personal things. Lets go ahead.” Let another know what you think as personal
and until where are your boundaries.
(Topic about
healthy boundaries is quite spread now).
Thank you for tuning in! This is the last part of my article, feel free to like, share it or post a comment below.
nina Lea-nour *
Angel`S medium
@ 110 -18
